A new focus

After a crazy weekend, today was recovery day. I woke up and my limbs ached, I climbed out of bed rolled downstairs and ran a bath - pouring in a heap of Radox in the hope that it would do what it says on the tin. I made it a bit too hot and climbed in, turned on my little digital radio and listened to 6music and sank into the water. I also found the most amazing amazing meditation video on Youtube. A 50 minute extravaganza in fact, I started watching the first bit and then watched all 5 sections. Get me eh? A nice start to an almost perfect Sunday.

In my last blog post I put a few old drawings up that I did at school. A lot of those drawings were actually oil pastel pieces and pulling them out reminded me of how much I enjoyed that medium. Since then I have done a few pieces and I've decided that it really is my favourite medium. I also got all 386 pictures from Asia developed and I've started a new project where Im taking those pieces and working from them to create oil pastel art work. It's been brilliant for a few reasons - firstly its good for me to practice and remember my own skills. Its nice to also have a steady focus of a project and not be rooting around with my sketchbook trying to draw anything and everything, which has been fantastic, but it feels good to have one main pathway for a while. My brain was literally exploding at times and now this is reigning it in a bit. Its also secretly making me realise this could be a body of work which could lead to a display/or something more but I'll make those sort of decisions after I've reached a point where I'm finished. I say "secretly" because at the moment, just doing it is the main thing. I don't want the outcome to take over or cloud me.

Today sitting down and doing it with my music on was like being in heaven. I know that sounds cheesy but I was literally loving every freakin' moment of it.

Here is the first semi finished piece of a girl having her hair washed in Vietnam. This is the way round that it should be as she was upside down. I've been trying to figure out if it should stay that way round. My mum says NOPE. I think yep, but HMM be nice to know what others think:




Here is the very first piece I did of a baby in Hoi An, completely unfinished with no background. The baby was picking up a roll from the floor. I didnt manage to squeeze that in but maybe I will extend it:



At the moment, its a bit straight so I expect once I get more into it I will start to experiment with things and textures but that will evolve when Im ready. If not with this project then the next. They won't all be figure drawings - I plan to do scenic and still life shots.

Its exciting and I'm looking forward to documenting my steps over the next few months.

The things you find

At beginning of the week I found some old drawings and paintings that I did at College. I pulled them out and was amazed at how clearly I remembered each one and how I was feeling at the time. I looked at them and felt this surge in my gut and it made me absolutely sure that this is now the right path for me. It's amazing that at the time I drew some of these I was completely lost with it all. I knew it was what I wanted to do but I wasn't engaging with it in the right way and I was all over place. I thought being young it would change but it never really did. Flitting about with jobs and subjects and relationships to fill the void and hole just in the end made me more confused than ever. I never enjoyed being taught around the time of my A Levels and this worried me. Its taken another 11 years to know why. I was bogged down with teachers and tired subjects/worrying about grades and completely lost sight of why I was doing it all. I feel like I can breathe again in the last few months - I feel like Ive completely shifted. I feel excited at the moment because if its like this now and its only been 4 months since Ive woken up, things can only get better surely? Lets not jinx this! But Im hoping so.

Here are a few things I've picked out:
A Level work:







GCSE work:

Bed drawing

I'm feeling a little under the weather today BUT I have managed finish off these Pelicans which I initially had in mind to do in an animated small card form for the Ripple blog - however it turned out to be A4 in my sketchbook and a nice distraction from my headache. My back is killing me right now - I should probably sit at a table to do this stuff:




Apart from my back being ruined, it was nice to sit on the bed a doodle. I had a much more unproductive day yesterday before meeting a friend and only half finishing a sketch of the Library Clocktower, due to cold fingers and constant distractions. I would still like to get to the point where I can draw anywhere but I seem to need the right conditions. The REAL condition is probably just shutting down the mind and focusing on the page, but that's a little difficult with a drill and builders a few feet away! Gahh. Other news is, the drawing IS back again (thankgod) and I have got rid of the rubbish in my life. I am chucking out that trash and starting again. A nice little clean slate.

Coming back

Sunday morning consisted of me bolting out of bed and deciding that I needed to paint and draw. It's been a few weeks and I've just not felt like it, life situations clouded my head too much. I grabbed my watercolours that I havent used yet and drew a delicate teapot that we have sitting on the shelf:



I then strolled outside and saw these amazing tomatoes that had just been picked:



I did a quick watercolour and ink, its not how I wanted it to originally come out, but heck its OKish:



Other than that Im glad my head has come back round. It's nice to be filled with the buzz again, I started thinking about all the things I can do in the future like commissions but also just drawings for others and for myself. I also met my brothers new kitten smudge today:



I think Smudge will have to be drawn, I couldn't stop following him around and picking him up much to his irritation.....

I've missed this. It's nice to come back.

Solo drawing and travel thoughts...

At present, I am a little bit crap at solo drawing expeditions. I lose my rubber every two minutes and its ALWAYS the rubber. I'm not sure why. I spend about an hour looking for it and it turns out to be somewhere right in front of me or in my pants etc. I had another free weekend so I thought "GREAT - solo drawing trip". I packed all my bits and headed out the door, got half way down the road and realised that I had forgotten my paints, pad and pencils but yet packed everything else. Fool.

Once I got everything, I headed back down the street and hopped on the bus up to Crystal Palace. I plonked myself in the middle of the park. The sun was beating down and I realised I didn’t have any sun lotion which resulted in burnt shoulders.

I then needed a wee (miles from a loo)

I then needed a drink (which I didn’t pack)

I seemed to be in the path of every dog, wasp and child. I also ended up having some strange half naked tramp come over to me and make some sort of warbled conversation.

I had a much more successful trip the week before at Park Hill Park where I sketched with my new little watercolour moleskine which flips long ways for a panoramic type result. This layout is helping me to draw in a completely new way. I thought I would find it too small, but in fact, I'm finding the size strangely exciting and liberating. The lack of space makes me feel less daunted, yet I put just as much time and effort in as I would in a larger book (and I have both sizes but seem to be using the little one more). Heres the sketch I did in that park:

Here are some bits I drew on my Crystal Palace trip in the same little book:

Big Picture Gallery:

There is now a new gallery set up for local artists in Crystal Palace which I'm interested in participating in. There's a lot of talent out there. I do wonder how they price it all though, some of them were priced at a grand a pop for simple paintings and sketches. I can't imagine sitting down and thinking "this is worth XXX amount", how do people do it?

Last year I went on trip round Asia to Thailand, Laos, Vietnam and Cambodia. I was thinking back to it the other day and although at the time I struggled with being in a group 24 hours a day for over a month (man that was hard) it really helped me. At the time I was in a bad place and when I think of the difference in me from then and now and it makes me smile. If only I had been drawing - I wanted to, but my head wasnt right. I took some good pictures though, which need to go on flickr. Here are a few I like (which was tough to pick through because I have HUNDREDS):









I'm going to be loading the whole lot on flickr at some point but please have a gander at my recent doodlings here

Where I appreciate time

Appreciating my time is new thing. I remember not too long ago when I had to keep doing things, mainly going out all the time and being active. Since this, art reawakening thing (and since my brain has calmed down etc) I am so much more CHILLED. I actually punched the air with glee last night because I had a free Saturday today - no plans, nothing (well just my own) but no ties or obligations. I knew I had the entire day to myself and that felt like a little gift. I cleared out some of my room, I did some exercise (which killed in the heat to be honest) and I did some flower watercolours in the garden. I hated the first one and then did the sinful horrific ripping out sketchbook page *cringe* because it wasn't up to scratch. I've never been one to go for watercolours, so it was like my own little mission. I sat back and thought 'right.....what the heck am I doing wrong here?' then it clicked. I tried again and this time it was much better. Still not quite there but I'll get there. I felt a bit gutted I ripped out the page but thats ok, it was my first time after all.

So from today I have vowed to become great with watercolours, like my own mini mission. Expect to see some soon (well if I havent binned them).

Other than that, I've decided to just draw from that core place and not think about it. Not wonder where its going. Not specifically draw something for online (because lets face it, it probably was going that way) however I like sharing it so thats ok. But like I said in the last blog, I've been reigning it all in and its been good. I've also realised Im going to try and draw more from real life and not from magazines/books unless its for a specific reason. Mainly to get into the habit of being able to just sit anywhere, pull out the sketchbook and just go for it. I've been relaxing in the garden on my days off last week and drew a few things -


The back of my house, whilst sitting in the most comfortable deckchair with a cat resting on my foot.



Hanging bird garden ornament.
My mum was given this as a gift and she was pretty horrified and to be honest so was I because we thought it was naff. However after drawing it, I noticed every carve mark, every detail and I realised that someone had painstakingly made this. So I have much more respect for it. Even thought it's not really my thing and all it's quirky.


Coral. Coloured pencil (wimped out of doing watercolour at the time, oh how that will change, we hope).



A quick hand sketch, because well.....I felt like I should draw something. Note to self - never draw just to draw. Draw because you feel it.

The rest so far can be seen here on flickr

So there we are, until next time...

Again but different

So here we are again, but this time a little different. Here's how it goes - I'm happier now with myself and I feel like I need a new blog to reflect this. This blog was originally going to be just an art blog, but I think it will be an everything blog, a diary. Who know's - it will be what it will be.



I've come here for some grounding today. I think I had my revelation and needed to just draw and draw a mish mash of anything, with no structure. When I came to this point of no return a few months ago now, I spent the first chunk very emotional, the second chunk reading insane amounts whilst drawing a lot and then the last few weeks calming down but still drawing and reading a lot in every spare moment.


I'm dotting these around to show how much of a jumble my brain is (not that it's a bad thing obviously)

The rest of my jumble so far can be seen here on Flickr

Last week, my mind came to a point of rest and it still needs rest. However I feel this worry, like I have to keep the pace, but I've realised today how important down time is. Julia Cameron talks about "filling the well" which means you take time to replenish, I think this is very important, for everyone. Cameron (The Artists Way) talks about going on 'artist walks' which basically means you try and take a few hours a week at least to do something for you, go see something, go to a museum, go for a walk, buy a few things that feel precious to you. Basically allowing yourself some time for your brain to relax and fill up that well again. After my jumbled month, my crappy inner critic reared its head again. I had this vague idea that I would (after a bit of time) start to pursue freelance illustrating. My critic has been on my back about it, pulling me away from the starting line and pulling me away from why I'm drawing again in the first place. Its only my own head and my own pressures doing this and it's come from years of this, years of feeling like I have to strive and do and justify. I recognise it and I'm telling that critic to back off. It means perhaps closing down with pressure for a little while, going for walks, taking pictures, reading. Having time to remember why I've come to this point and to hold on to that.

Some pictures I've taken on walks:

Hair flowing out of a shop in Soho



A demolished building on my way home


Cats that rest near my brothers house


Some views of Richmond on a sunny day



Ducks in Regents Park



Until next time.